JR Manning

The perfect opportunity for me dropped into my lap a couple of weeks ago, a contracting job that will require 100% travel. That’s not all bad, it’s a perfect job for a guy who likes road trips. It’s inspecting units of a famous national chain of restaurants, one that had a real person as a spokesman, not a clown. The guy died but the restaurants continue on. We cannot go into them between 11:30 and 1:30, so I have nice long lunch hours, a time to post my reports to an internet site, actually.

In the middle of the 4th day on the job, last Thursday to be exact, I was in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, between stops. It was the lunch hiatus, so I stopped at FedUp-Kinky’s to upload some data. I was suddenly overcome with tremendous stomach cramps and I thought I had gotten some bad sausage at breakfast. So I went to the mens’ room to see if I could, um, bring them up for discussion.

Nope. Nuthin’ there.

I drove up the road looking for a Walgreen’s but found a Wally World first and went for some Peptide-Dismal. No help. I tried to sleep in the front seat of the car but the pain got worse and spread to my back. I began to get the sweaty chills and thought, great, flu.

By 3:00, I was pretty sure I needed some medical attention. I remembered seeing a place across the street called “Express Care” so I started the car and drove across the street, not a small task in the Chicago ‘burbs.

“Express Care” is an oil change place.

Next I wound up in a parking lot that promised a clinic but by this time, I was too delirious to see any signs, so I just used my cell phone to call for help.

The next thing I remember was riding in an ambulance. I told the EMT’s to not bother with the GD EKG because it was my stomach. They weren’t listening and did one anyway - normal - You see, I TOLD you not to waste the time on a u$ele$$ te$t.

I wound up in a nice suburban horsepistol’s ER. The ER doc did a chest film, a CTscan and an ultrasound. I told her I didn’t want to know the gender of my baby. She didn’t see the humor in that but said it was a gall bladder attack and she wanted to take it out. Of course, it wasn’t inflamed so such surgery is elective at that point. I declined. I’m not paying to have surgery done in a foreign hospital. She did prescribe some good narcs for pain relief. (A doc in my own clinic at home reviewed the reports and her theory is that I passed a gall stone. She says at this point there is little to do but eat a low fat diet and keep and eye on it. Oh great. The cancer treatment has already taken away just about everything I ever enjoyed, not to mention taking away my teeth, and now my gall bladder is taking away just about everything else I enjoy.)

The Kat Lady and Karen came to rescue me, and the horsepistol was discharging me just as my new boss arrived.

Do I know how to make an impression on a new boss, or what?

Karen drove me home, after stopping at a 24 hr Walgreens for my narcs. I did sleep most of the way home, but did wake up in time to guide Karen around the $1.50 toll booth that is the last one before the state line. I may have been really sick, but really cheap trumps that, I suppose.

In three and a half days on the new job, though, I impressed my new boss enough that he is demanding I stay home and get well because he really needs me for the long haul. As much as I like that, I need to get back to work. I need the loot.

Timing? Just as I get a job so I can start digging out of some debt, I incur an expensive red & white taxi ride to an expensive health care facility.

Two steps forward, three steps back. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Dang.

(There is one piece of sorta good news in this. The Kat Lady drove my car home, it has one of those transponders that transmits prepaid tolls to the Illinois Toll Authority. The prepaid tolls are HALF of the coin-toss tolls, so The Kat Lady was only charged $0.75 at that last booth. By having Karen go around it, the net savings was $2.25 which isn’t going to make a big dent in the horsepistol bill, but it would pay for lunch at my employer’s restaurant - one that is too high in fat for me to eat, anyway.)

The team that is hosting Adam West “Batman” night, Sherman Helmsley “George Jefferson” night, Jamie Farr “Cpl. Klinger” night, and recently held Erik Estrada “Ponch” night, recently announced the best promotion I’ve ever heard of. I’m going to just post their press release here, because I can’t do any better than this.

CURVE TO HOLD FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT NIGHT JULY 2nd AT BCB

May 15, 2006 -

ALTOONA- Inspired by a Los Angeles Angels fan who filed a lawsuit against the club because he did not receive a red nylon tote bag as part of the major league club’s Mother’s Day promotion last May, the Altoona Curve have announced that they will be holding Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night as part of their Sunday, July 2nd game at Blair County Ballpark.

The Curve’s salute to all ridiculous lawsuits ever filed will include the following:

A Pink Tote Bag Giveaway to the first 137 men in attendance ages 18 and over
The first 137 women 18 and over will receive lukewarm coffee so they will not burn themselves

The first 137 kids will be given a beach ball with a warning not to ingest it
Angels merchandise and novelty items given away throughout the game
Honoring some of history’s “Most Frivolous Lawsuits” during the game

A grand prize drawing in which one fan will receive a “clue� and their own frivolous lawsuit.

Additional details will be announced later

“We realize that these giveaways as part of our Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night are fairly stupid and serve no real purpose,� said Curve General Manager Todd Parnell. “But if our fans don’t like them, then they can sue us!�

Curve President and Managing Partner Chuck Greenberg, himself a practicing corporate and sports attorney, declined to comment on his club’s promotion because of concerns that his comments could lead to a frivolous lawsuit.

The Altoona Curve have become widely recognized for the fun, themed nights, including their annual “Awful Night� and the innovative “2006 Retro Celebrity Series�, which is bringing 11 of the most popular names from some of televisions most popular shows to Blair County Ballpark during the 2006 season. The club was honored by Minor League Baseball as the winner of the 2004 Larry MacPhail Award for promotional excellence among all affiliated minor league clubs.

For more information on the Altoona Curve, visit the club’s official website at http://www.altoonacurve.com.

My friend, Don, passed this morning at 1:30 AM. He was a good man and will be sorely missed.

He was a retired minister in the United Church of Christ, and even though I’m a member of a local UCC, that wasn’t our connection. It was just one of those interesting coincidences because the real connection between us was a Model A Ford.

Don fell in love with Model A’s when he was young, he liked the styling but he was also impressed with the rugged construction and the willingness of the little Ford to always start, run reliably, and go anywhere it was asked to go. He always wanted one of his own. But there was always something in his way, something that prevented him from his dream. A family, another church to shepherd, it seemed like he was never going to have a Model A of his own.

Until 1998, when he bought a raffle ticket at a car show in the farming community of Sharon, Wisconsin. He won the raffle! The 1931 coupe was an older restoration but Don wanted a Model A that was painted a correct color, had a nice interior, and would be a presentable car to drive around to car shows and on Model A Club events. The restoration began.

Life has a tendency to throw a breaking ball when you’re expecting the heat and Don was no exception. A test determined that he had advanced prostate cancer and an aggressive treatment protocol was proposed.

His friends rallied to his side and told him they would finish restoring his car for him if he would agree to come back to drive it. Don beat the prostate cancer, but the treatment triggered Leukemia. When his medical staff ran out of options, they sent him home to spend his last moments surrounded by family.

One of the friends came to say good-bye and said to him, “Don, we had a deal. We said we’d restore your car but you agreed to come back to drive it!” There was a small patch of pink in Don’s cheek and within six months, he was back in the garage, working on his restoration. On December 20, 2003, the restored body of the coupe was dropped onto the restored chassis. Less than six months later, Don drove his coupe to Sharon, for the annual Model A Day show, the same show that held the winning raffle in 1998.

For two seasons, Don was able to drive his Model A on club events as he dreamed of doing. Sadly, he won’t be driving the third season. But somewhere, Don is enjoying a perfect Model A coupe, driving along a highway with no traffic lights, no potholes, no points to close up or burned out headlight bulbs, no needles, no MRI’s or CT scans, x-rays or an endless parade of doctors and nurses.

Honk when you drive past Don. We’ll be sure to wave.

The Milwaukee Public Museum is currently hosting a special display entitled “Saint Peter and the Vatican: the Legacy of the Popes.” The special display is comprised of artifacts and artwork from the Vatican, and it is making three stops on a tour of North America. Milwaukee is the third and final stop, and the only Midwest location of the display.

It is, in a word, stunning. Anyone of the Christian faith, whether Roman Catholic or not, can learn something from this exhibit. I, for one, never knew that the Apostle Peter was crucified by Nero, by legend, in a location next to St. Peter’s Basilica. Nero had his “circus” (a race track and entertainment center) at that location/ The circus also featured an Egyptian obelisk that was later moved to the center of the St. Peter’s Square, where it still stands. St. Peter’s Basilica is the second one built at that location, and the altar is above Peter’s grave.

It is fascinating to see the artifacts of the various popes, up close and personal, the items that we have only seen in grainy photographs or films. Some of these artifacts have not been seen in centuries.

The display has been extended to May 29 but once it is gone, it is gone.

http://www.mpm.edu/exhibitions/special/vatican/index.php