JR Manning

When I first moved into this palatial country estate, oh, alright. When I first moved into this old farmhouse that was out in the country before the subdivisions started growing faster than dandelions in a new front yard, there was a big ol’ steel mailbox out on a pole. You know the type, it looks like a typcial rural route delivery mailbox with a curved top, except it was a great big one. It was older and beat up, but functional. Out in the garage was a brand new one, painted black, in a cardboard box. The old one worked just fine, so I left it there.

One fall day, about a dozen and a half years after I moved in, the post master informed me, by note, that I had to replace the old box or mail deliveries would stop. So I dug out the brand new one, in a box, and put it up.

Now, mind you, the old one had performed yeoman’s service, had never blown over or been hit by a snow plow. Since I was putting up a new box, I mounted in on a new post, too. It looked grand until the first snowfall of Winter.

The snowplow clobbered it so hard it distorted the box and took the door off.

I managed to straighten it out enough to work but there was no door. Last week, during a heavy snowfall, the plow clobbered it again, this time, it took the arm, that extended from the post, and supported the box. Both were laying in a snowbank.

The next day, there was a small black mailbox, on a steel stick, held up with a sandbag. On the side of the box was a sign spray painted white through a stencil: GERMANTOWN HIGHWAY DEPT. Of course, in this last snow storm, the plow knocked that one over, too.

Meanwhile, there was no contact from the village about it so I just waited for it to play out.

Today, there is a large black mailbox on my post, mounted on a new support arm. The temporary box is gone. I know it isn’t my old one on the post - it has a door. It isn’t a new one, in fact, it has some old lettering on it and a tag inside that wasn’t completely removed.

But I don’t care - I have a mailbox now that will keep my incoming mail dry in rain and snow.

Self,

If you forget to take your meds in the morning when you get up, it’s perfectly acceptable to take the one a day pills later in the day. If it’s really late in the evening, it might be a good idea to skip the diuretic until tomorrow.

…unless you are an insurance spambot that is obsessed with me.

 I get about 12 comments per day from a spambot that seems to be in love with me and wants me to buy its mobile home insurance. So what did I ever do to make it think I give a rip about its insurance products?

If you’re a normal human (or at least, reasonably normal) feel free to comment. Spammers will be automatically deleted and those with suspicious return email addresses may go into a holding cell until proven to not be a spammer.

 Everyone else, follow the links. (It helps if you introduce yourself to me and I’ll keep your real name out of the comment posting if you so desire.)

After spending over 25 years traveling for a living, one starts to think they’ve seen it all. Of course, they haven’t, and there are surprises all the time. Air travel has changed completely in the last half a dozen years but domestic car travel is still pretty much the same as it has always been.

The behavior of rookie travelers is always amazing, not to mention annoying, to the savvy traveler. From behavior in the airport, to the car rental place to the hotel, the inexperienced traveler stands out from the pros.

Here are eight travel tips for rookies so you don’t embarrass yourself nor annoy the rest of us.

One: The elevator is not going to leave without you. Give the poor people who are trying to get off the elevator a chance to get out before you go pushing your way in. Teach your bratty kids some elevator etiquette too, will you? Just stick your hand in the door and push. It will open again. Elevator doors only crush people in cartoons, not in real life.

Two: The plane is not going to leave without you. They call rows from the back of the plane for a reason, to make boarding orderly and smooth. If your boarding pass is for seat 12C, don’t get on when they call rows 36 to 42. With you standing at row 12, trying to shove your bag into the overhead, you’re blocking the poor slobs who are trying to get to rows 36 to 42. Just cool your jets, okay?

Three: After you arrive, unless you have six minutes to make a connection, you don’t have to be the first one off the plane. They won’t leave again with you on board. Relax and let the guy who has to make the six minute connection get off first.

Four: Why rush? You’ll get to the luggage carrousel before your bag does. No worry, the carousel goes around continuously and it doesn’t eat luggage. In order for your bag to be the first one on the carrousel, it would have to be the last one off the plane, which means it had to the first one on the plane. Federal regulations prohibit your bag from being the first one on the carrousel, anyway. (Oh sure, someone’s bag will be first, but someone will also win Powerball.)You don’t need to push your way in front of everyone else, your stuff will come around sooner or later. There’s no hurry, the hotel isn’t going rent your room out from under you.

Five: The Avis bus will not take you to Hertz. The Hertz bus will not take you to National. We can all read, so there is no need for you to announce all the busses as they pull up. The nice shuttle driver will not leave without you so there is no need to trample the little old lady ahead of you in line.(On your return trip, if Avis is next door to Hertz and you miss the Hertz bus, the Avis bus will take you to your airline. They’re all going to the same place - the departure terminal.)

Six: If you’re staying in a hotel that offers a continental breakfast, please behave yourself while you’re there and keep an eye on your bratty kids, too. The waffle iron takes two minutes. Standing there and staring at it will not shorten the time it takes to cook a waffle. Just because someone is smart enough to start a waffle and walk away to get coffee and orange juice doesn’t mean they abandoned it so stop looking appalled. Hovering around and watching over their shoulder as they struggle to get their waffle out of the iron is extremely rude.Don’t take all the cinnamon rolls. The kitchen will make more.You are not Cool Hand Luke. You cannot possibly eat thirteen hard boiled eggs. Leave a few for the rest of us, okay?

What, is this the first time you’ve seen a microwave oven? Just put your breakfast sandwich in there and push the button already. Some of us have appointments to make.

Seven: Didn’t your mother teach you to flush when you’re done? Flush it, will you?

Eight: Follow up to Seven…wash your *&^%#@! hands.

So enjoy your trip, travel safely but also travel smart. Someone besides Tom Bodette will leave the light on for you.