Milwaukee recently unveiled a $15.8 million overhaul of the poorly designed and ugly “union station” that was built back in the 1960’s. It was built to be a “union station,” that is, one station to replace the beautiful old Chicago & Northwestern station that morons tore down, and to replace the Milwaukee Road station so everyone could board all trains from one inconvenient spot. It was clean, shiny and new when it was built but despite all that, it was ugly, too. It didn’t get any better with age. Most of it was unused when multi-road passenger service degenerated, in more ways than one, into Amtrak.

The new station has been dubbed an “Intermodal Station” which means that they also crammed the bus terminal in with the trains. “Intermodal Station” is one of those new, feel-good terms, like “vertical transport engineer” or “sanitation technician” which are still just elevator operators and garbage collectors.

The designers and operators of the Internodal Station have 3,487 square feet of space reserved for “retail space.”

Who actually uses the Intermodal Station? It’s people who can’t wait to get to it so they can get out of it. Someone is either dropped off in front to get on a train or a bus or, if they arrive on a train or a bus, they can’t wait to get out front and catch their ride or a cab - their goal is to get in and get out as quickly as possible.

What does someone between the hours of 6:00 and 10:00 AM want in an Intermodal Station, besides to catch the Hiawatha to Chicago? A cup of coffee. A donut or two. Maybe an Egg McHockeypuck. Just hurry it up, give me my coffee and a donut, so I can get on the train already.

What does someone between 10:00 AM and 7:00 PM want in an Intermodal Station, besides to catch the Hiawatha to Chicago or maybe catch a bus? A sandwich. A can of soda. A bag of chips. Let me grab something and get on the train, and I’ll have a nice, leisurely lunch on the 90 minute ride to Union Station in Chicago.

Speaking of Union Station in Chicago, what does one pass on the way to the Hiawatha? A newsstand that is combined with a convenience store and a McDonalds. If one walks a little out of their way, they can find a coffee place, a donut place, an ice cream place, a shoe shine rack and, surprise surprise, a couple more newsstands combined with convenience stores.

All just exactly what a traveler wants.

But not Mayor Tom Barrett and Alderman Bob Bauman. Nope. They want a fancy, sit down restaurant to make the beautiful new Intermodal Station a destination. A train station or a bus station has never been a destination and never will be a destination. Are these two guys nuts?

“You don’t spend $15.8 million to build an iconic structure and have a Dunkin’ Donuts as your primary food service,” Bauman said. “This should be a destination restaurant location.”

Mayor Tom Barrett agreed, saying, “C’mon, we can do better than this. . . . This is our building of first impressions for people who get off the train. We don’t want our first impression to be, ‘Is this all there is?’ ”

An “iconic structure?” It’s a train station, for crying out loud. This is not one of the Union Stations in Kansas City or Cincinnati, where the beautiful old buildings have been restored to better than former glory and house lots of destination places like museums and special events. Milwaukee blew that opportunity 40 years ago when the Northwestern station came down.

As beautiful, shiny and new as this building is today, let’s face it. Buses are dirty. Trains are dirty. Exhaust is dirty. Winter salt and dirt coming off the 6th street bridge is dirty. This shiny, white building will become just another downtown building in 10 years.

Forget the sit-down restaurant, anyone dumb enough to try to operate one in the Intermodal Station will go broke with no customers. Why? If I’m going to a nice restaurant for dinner, I’m not going to the airport or the train station or the bus station. I go to the Intermodal Station for one reason - to get on or off the Hiawatha. Just let me get my donut, my coffee or an egg-filled hockey puck and let me get on the train.

A sit down restaurant in a train station? That’s about the dumbest idea to come out of Milwaukee since Kilbourn and Juneau lined their streets up on different grids.

Forget the destination restaurant, Tom & Bob. A place for coffee, donuts and maybe a bagel are all we need.